Dating Tips to Get Past the First Date Nerves

Dating Tips to Get Past the First Date Nerves

Posted 05.24.2012 in Articles by Dan

A first date is one of the most frightening things in the world; just a tad bit scarier than spiders but not as terrifying as a worldwide bacon shortage. And why shouldn't a first date be terrifyingly nerve-racking? It's the longest first impression you'll ever make with someone while being the most personal interview you'll ever have rolled into one. It's hard not to try so hard to say the right things or be perfect because you're assuming that the other person is judging and analyzing everything. The worst thing first date anxiety can do is suck all of the awesome, new things out of it: getting to know someone new, trying new things, and the potential to make a new connection. So how do you stiff arm the first date nerves and enjoy the thrilling possibilities that a first date holds?

Making the plans is the first nervous speed bump to get over when it comes to first dates. Assuming you made the first move to ask the her out, kudos to you for making the first move by the way, you now realize you actually have to go on the date and may not have a plan. Crippling panic ensues. But don't worry, as long as you can eventually come up with a plan you're going to be okay; unless you plan on going to the taco bell down the street and taking her to Gamestop to check out the new Call of Duty, that's all bad. There is much to do on a first date: dinner, bowling, coffee, drinks, ice skating, art show, concert, etc. The most important thing is that have a plan, it will work out. You'll find that once you do have some sort of plan for the date, that some of your pre-date worries start to go away and are replaced with excitement.

Once on the date, the nerves and an anxious feelings can come on tenfold. The first thing to do to try and fight the nerves is take a deep breath. Realize that the battle is half won and that she's on the date.

The next step to settling the nerves is being the best listener on the face of the planet. And when I say listen, I mean you really have to listen; just staring and nodding to what the other person is saying is not listening. You may have all these different worries running through your head and distracting you from the moment, but the easiest way to shut them up is by being an active listener. Once you're focused on what the other person is saying and sharing, you don't have much time to concentrate on the the nerves clouding up your brain. Isn't that the point of a first date, getting to actually learn things about the other person? And if you can do that, you'll find out that anyone, and I mean anyone, can be charmed by a person who truly listens.

Awkward silences can twist your stomach in knots, but don't let them. You need to own the inevitable points of silence and don't think they're awkward. Silence is normal, it means she's either contemplating what you were just talking about, or that she's just as nervous as you. Use the silence to show her your smile, or allow for the conversation to come naturally. You don't want to bombard her with questions so much that she feels like she's being interrogated, nor do you want to flood her with too much information about yourself. Word vomit can be just as unattractive as real vomit.

The end of the first date can be a field of signals littered with landmines, and the wrong move could blow up your chances of a second date. It's of upmost importance that you don't force anything, let the moment dictate your actions.

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